Desexualizing the Massage Experience

Even the upright massage therapist and client are accompanied in the session by human sexuality, The massage therapist must deal with this ethically and safely.

Much more must be said about the correlation between sex and massage besides, “Don’t do anything sexual with a client”. Actually, the connections between sex and massage extend far past the outdated, nagging reputation of their foremothers and forefathers. This article is an attempt to identify those connections and discover ways to desexualize massage in a culture that sexualises almost everything.

Ethically Safe Massage

It is the responsibility of the massage professional to create and maintain a safe environment for clients and themselves. In the process of learning how to carry this out, therapists undergo extensive training in the physical and emotional effects and ramifications touch and massage. They are often painstaking in their efforts to cultivate and enrich the physical and emotional well being of their clients, being ever mindful of the indications, precautions and contraindications for massage.

They are conscientious about their client’s physical status, emotional condition and spiritual well being. Yet this strategy, while entirely appropriate and necessary, is short sighted. Although these measures may help to keep massage physically and emotionally safe, they do not address ethical safety.

An ethically safe massage environment provides much more than the assurance that a massage therapist will not flirt with, fondle, attempt to date, or seek to sleep with a client, and vice versa. If the massage therapist and the client are to be completely safe in all regards, these professionals must ensure that the massage experience is not sexualised. If, despite all cautions and proper behaviour in the massage room, the therapist and the client fall in love and move into a romantic relationship, then their professional roles as therapist and client must cease. Then who massages whom becomes a private matter apart from the massage room. Dr. Pat Feinstein, psychiatrist and avid proponent of massage therapy, introduced the concept of “desexualising the massage experience” in her interview on breast massage for the MASSAGE THERAPY JOURNAL article, “why don’t they do breast massage?” (MTJ, Winter 1998). She said both the client and the therapist must be capable of desexualising the massage experience. This can be a challenge task indeed. The factors that contribute to this challenge are numerous and deserve individual attention.

Sexuality and Massage

It is not possible to entirely keep sexuality out of the massage treatment room, since humans are, by nature, sexual beings. Just as we are intellectual beings, emotional beings, spiritual beings and physical beings, our biology equips us with a sexual nature, the primary purpose of which is to help preserve and propagate our species. This means that every client and every massage therapist bring their sexual nature with them into the massage setting. The ultimate ethical challenge is this: Both client and therapist must allow the presence of sexuality in a milieu where sex is absolutely inappropriate. In other words, both must allow sexuality, and at the same time, desexualize the experiences of both giving and receiving the massage.
Typically, the sexual nature of the client or therapist is not regarded unless something sexually inappropriate happens that requires ethical intervention. This reactive stance does not work. To be diligent in their ethical efforts, massage therapists must proactively consider human sexuality, both their own and that of their clients. To do this, they must always appreciate the impact that massage can have on the sexual response, take full responsibility for how they are affected when they perform massage, and remain keenly aware of the potential effects of massage on their clients.

Terminology

Attention must be given now to the clarification of terminology.
Sex refers to sexual relations, sexual acts, sexual activities, sexual pleasures, sexual intercourse, or being any involved in a sexual manner involving the genitals and / or secondary sexual organs such as breasts and erogenous zones such as the groin.

Sexuality, a much more complex issue, is about our nature, character and makeup as sexual beings. It encompasses all of who we are as men and as women. The Sexual Health Network says, “Sexuality spans the biological, psychological, social, emotional and spiritual dimensions of their lives. (It) begins with us and our relationship with ourselves and extends to our relationships with others. Our relationship with ourselves includes how we feel about ourselves as a person, as sexual beings, as men and women, and how we feel about our body and how we feel about sexual activities and behaviours.”1

The ways in which we channel and express our sexual nature are as different as the number of human beings on this planet, since we express each and every aspect of our nature uniquely. How we integrate our sexual nature into our personality is greatly influenced by genetics, upbringing, health status, and cultural, social and religious influences, and while we do not have control over having a sexual nature, we do have control over when and how we express it. The term “desexualize” is best defined by examining its opposite, sexualise. Sexualizing means making an event, procedure, conversation or experience that is not implicitly sexual into something that is sexual or could be interpreted as sexual.2
Desexualising, then, means ensuring that massage is not sexualised; that it is not in any way turned into a sexual experience, either overtly or covertly, for either the therapist or the client. While the terms sex and sexuality commingle and share aspects of their meanings, their differences can be significant in the massage setting.

Society’s Role

In recent decades, society has witnessed a rampage of the exploration of sexuality. Sex appeal is promoted, advocated and revered. We are literally bathed in sex, sexuality and sex appeal. Michael V. Reitano, M.D. editor in chief of Sexual Health Magazine, says “virtually every advertisement, movie, television show, magazine or book has either at its core or as part of its appeal issues of sex: how to achieve it, maintain it, enjoy it, remain safe from it, embrace it, abolish it, prohibit it, exploit
it.”3

You don’t have to look far to see the truth in this statement; even animated characters in children’s movies have sex appeal. Current views on sexuality, so skewed, tend to perpetuate the association of sex and massage in the minds of the consumer, despite current appreciation for the holistic health benefits of massage. So, despite the respect and acceptance massage has gained in recent years, the word “massage” still summons erotic thoughts in the minds of many. The corporate workplace has, in recent years, found the need to prohibit the deleterious expressions of sexuality among its personnel. The creation of laws regarding sexual misconduct and harassment now prohibit what was, in the past, regarded a benign interaction. Like the corporate workplace, so must the massage workplace be desexualized. Therapists may be naïve in thinking that if they have the correct intentions and act professionally enough, inappropriate expression of sexuality will be kept out of treatment sessions.

Sex Response Physiology

Because they are interdependent, it is difficult to separate the physiological, sociological and physiological aspects of human sexuality. Here, however, is an attempt to isolate the physiological-anatomical functioning aspect, in order to examine the physical associations of massage and the sexual response. There are three significant physiological connections, all of which stem from the body’s nervous system, and the senses, the parasympathetic nervous system, and the limbic system. First, let’s examine the primary sensory aspect or touch. The tactile stimulation produced by massage provides the central and peripheral areas of the nervous system with a tune up of sorts, stimulating the clients whole sensory mechanism. Sandy Fritz sums up this connection in Mosby’s Fundementals of Therapeutic Massage.

Massage to certain areas of the body can further complicate the matter, since they may actually induce a sexual response. Tactile stimulation of sensory nerve pathways in the area of the abdomen, lower extremities, and buttocks are carried over the same two nerve plexuses as the genitals – the lumbar and sacral plexuses. Stimulation of these nerve plexuses, as would occur in massage to the abdominals, gluteal’s or thighs, would not be confined to local perception, but instead would be diffused throughout the area and the nerve signals of the genitals would be affected.4

The parasympathetic nervous system provides the second vital link between massage and the sexual response. This aspect of the autonomic nervous system is responsible for the body’s regulation of the “rest and digest”, the restorative responses, and counter balances the effects of the sympathetic division, which regulates the “fight or flight” dynamic. Furthermore, parasympathetic influences regulate both the relaxation response induced by massage and the physiological changes that occur during sexual arousal. When massage methods such as slow, rhythmic repetitive stroking; passive movement; slow, broad compressions; reflexology and acupressure are used, the relaxation response, under parasympathetic control, is induced. The parasympathetic nervous system also controls the primary and secondary bodily responses that occur during sexual arousal. The common characteristics are vasocongestion, or the increase of blood supply to the genitals, and myotonia, which is the increase in muscle tension that is the result of sexual stimulation.5

Fritz tells us that, “therefore, each time a client relaxes out of the “flight or flight” responses of the sympathetic autonomic nervous system into a more relaxed response, the predisposing factors are present for sexual arousal. The reaction is not only possible for the client, but also for the practitioner as he or she begins to relax and flow with the massage.”6

The third link is the limbic system a group of structures that form a curved border around the brain’s core. This complex aspect of the brain controls emotional and sexual experiences.7
Stimulation of the body by massage influences the limbic response. This not only serves to be another physiological connection between sex and massage, but may also explain why emotional responses occur in the client during or after the massage therapy. These physiological influences touch the parasympathetic nervous system and the limbic system, mandate the deliberate consideration of and accountability for human sexuality in the massage setting. Under most circumstances, a sexual response can be completely bypassed. Or if a sexual response does occur and the erotic energy is not directed, it is short lived and the massage can continue within ethical bounds. If the sexual arousal does occur, however on the part either of the therapist or the client, and regardless of the situation or circumstances, it is always the responsibility of the therapist to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries. Sexual talk, sexual relations, sexual acts and activities, sexual pleasures, sexual intercourse, sexual touching, or being any way involved in a sexual manner is always unethical and must never occur in the professional massage setting.

Providing Safe Experiences

The ethically safe massage experience does not just happen; it must be created, structured and continually sustained. Structuring it means at all times proactively demonstrating absolute professionalism in all aspects of a massage therapy practice, particularly around the connection between sex and massage. It also means the therapist must be prepared to deal with physiological reactions of sexual arousal, if and when they do occur. The following suggestions are for therapists of both genders;

1. observe and know yourself. Be aware of your own tendencies toward flirtation, and notice the times and places when and where you sexualise an event or conversation. Consider how you may come across and the messages you may be transmitting to others, especially to your clients. Take time to think about your work environment and your approach with clients. Ask yourself, “is there anything about me or my workspace or what I say or do, that is likely to be sexualised?” Ernie Ezersky, licenced massage therapist, teacher and student- clinic supervisor in Massachusetts, instructs students, “in this business you must be “squeaky clean”. Remember that your good intentions are not enough: you are also responsible for how you may be perceived.
2. Be clear about your intentions toward your clients. Clients are not candidates for romantic interest or sexual pursuits. Every therapist must be steadfast in this rule. It is never appropriate to date and / or sleep with a client. To date a client, even when the feeling is mutual, is a very precarious situation. Do so and you invite potential problems into your practice. The very least of these is unethical patterns in your client interactions. Always seek guidance for issues with a mentor, supervisor or professional consultant, so that you can make decisions responsibly and fully cognizant of possible ramifications. Never be in the position of being a clients massage therapist and suitor. Being clear about and adhering to your own boundaries in this regard will set limits for your clients and will help to diffuse aroused erotic energy.
3. Establish ethical safety at the initial contact. Do not wait until the new client arrives for her appointment to discern whether or not your communications are ethically appropriate. In other words, whether interviewing on the phone or in person, determine your intentions and goals for the massage when you first talk with the client to set up the appointment. Assess her demeanor, language and approach as to whether or not she is seeking non sexual massage. As questions such as, “why are you seeking massage at this time?” and “what are your goals for this session?” if she remains vague and obscure, inform her directly that the massage you offer is “therapeutic and nonsexual”. This is especially important when doing an outcall or residential massage for a new, unknown client, either at a hotel or clients home. Beyond determining that the individual is not seeking sexual massage, it may be wise to ensure your own ethical and physical safety by developing a policy where you require that another adult be at home at the same time. Also, if possible, avoid setting up your massage table in a bedroom.
   These actions may be easier to accomplish at a clients residence than at a hotel. In discussing what you will need when arranging the appointment, inform the client that you prefer that someone else is home and that the table be set up in a space other than a bedroom.
4. Maintain a professional appearance and demeanor. Dress appropriately when you massage, avoiding proactive or revealing attire. Realize that when and where you represent yourself as a massage therapist, you represent the entire profession. For example, do not hand out your massage therapy business cards when you are out dancing, or while you are working as a waitress or bartender at a partime job.
5. Establish a professional, healing space. Sight, sound, smell, touch an imagination all have the potential to arouse. Desexualize the workspace by providing a professional atmosphere that communicates clear boundries in all regards. If the area you use to massage happens to be in a spare bedroom in your home, remove the furniture that makes it a bedroom. Declare your massage table a sacred healing space and do not pursue sexual interests with anyone, even your mate, on your table. Being clear about your role during a massage, regardless of who is the recipient of your work, allows you to secure your professional boundaries, making you less likely to give mixed signals to clients. This also fosters trust, as well as appreciation of the professional nature of your work, by your mate.
6. Provide informed consent. Before the massage begins, always inform the client about what you intend to do for the treatment protocol, so he knows what to expect. Take him into the treatment space and run through the session scenario verbally. Explain whether you will begin with him in the prone or supine position, the anticipated sequence of where you will work, how he will be draped, and any other pertinent details. For instance, if the client is to receive a full hour relaxation massage, inquire before the massage begins as to whether or not he wants his abdomen massaged. If it is a female client in this case, describe how you will employ the breast draping linen.
7. Allow privacy. Regardless of how well you know the person to be massaged, always allow her complete privacy while she undresses and redresses. Some clients will begin undressing before you have a chance to leave the room. In these instances, ask them to wait, then leave promptly.